


i'll steal you and indulge you

by jonqinie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - School, Crack, M/M, Muteness, Sirens, Succubi & Incubi, Texting, Vampires, Werewolves, this is literally crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 10:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonqinie/pseuds/jonqinie
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Kyungsoo isn’t dumb.So when people ask him,“You’re going to SM Academy? Isn’t that the elite school that only has monsters in it because humans are dumb and probably can’t comprehend the shit they do? You’re human! There’s no way you got in! You’re mute! Untalented! Dumbass bitch!”He replies with a shrug, because well, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.





	i'll steal you and indulge you

Contrary to popular belief, Kyungsoo isn’t dumb. ( _hah, pun intended._ ) 

 

Infact, he’s probably the farthest from dumb. He’s — as Chanyeol likes to call it — “God in the body of a pubescent teenage boy with an Ariel complex.”

 

Whatever that means. 

 

(He punched Chanyeol for that Ariel comment though.) 

 

So when people ask him, _“You’re going to SM Academy? Isn’t that the elite school that only has monsters in it because humans are dumb and probably can’t comprehend the shit they do? You’re human! There’s no way you got in! You’re mute! Untalented! Dumbass bitch!”_

 

He replies with a shrug, because well, ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. 

 

Kyungsoo himself doesn’t know how he got in, he just bullshitted an essay, committed toaster-bath on the application, and downed three red bulls to numb the pain of the fee. He’s the son of a farmer, not some sugar baby with an incubus gene. 

 

Maybe that’s why humans and monsters don’t get along; Monsters are the upper class— they’re rich bitches, with houses the size of an airport, a bathroom that itself was most definitely bigger than his room at home, and a kitchen that could itself cure world hunger. Humans, though, don’t have a kitchen that could cure world hunger. So they remain jealous and annoyed, saying _Monsters don’t belong on our lands! We were here first!_ and other moderately racist things. 

 

To be frank, Kyungsoo doesn’t care. Monsters have at least been kinder to him than humans ever were. -insert frog and tea emoji here- 

 

That doesn’t mean they still aren’t dicks, however. They talk shit in front of him with no hesitation or remorse, and eye him like a piece of meat. _I heard he sucked the Grandmaster’s dick just to pay the admission fee, must’ve been nice. Poor human is going to die going here, he doesn’t stand a chance. Bet he tastes good, pure human—_

 

(To which, of course, Sehun and Baekhyun give them death glares that Satan himself would probably shit his pants. Kyungsoo pretends not to notice. It’s probably better for him not to notice anyway.) 

 

He really doesn’t know how he’s still alive and not dead in a shady alleyway. Maybe his death day is coming slowly and he doesn’t know it. Maybe the vampires are going to come into his dorm and drain him from his sacred, sanguine fluid when he’s asleep. Or no, perhaps the werewolves would assault him in the middle of the night and just rip every part of his body slowly, to the point where he would feel his muscles tear individually. Or perhaps the witches at the school will poison his food when he’s not looking.

 

Huh. 

 

Either way, he just wants to perish. Better sooner than later. Maybe he’ll grab a forbidden book from the library and summon Satan and telepathically say, (because Satan should have telekinesis right? He should. He’s Satan.) “Hey, I want to die. Just take me now please.” 

 

“Get a move on, D.O.! You’re slacking!” He hears in the distance, and that's when he remembers he’s still outside for gym. 

 

Outside. In the hot, sweltering heat. He hates sweating. Absolutely hates it. He doesn’t feels the rays of the sun his skin like a gunshot, with beads of sweat drip and drip further down his back. 

 

Why does he need to take a gym, huh? He has high marks in every class, including aethereal chemistry, is it really a must that he takes gym? Also, aethereal chemistry is awful. Why do angels take everything to the highest molecular level, then feel the need to combine those things? Is it needed? No. 

 

They just like being extra. It’s annoying. 

 

-

 

Before the autumn of 20XX, the school was chaotic. 

 

Baekhyun remembers it all, literally it was a war zone. Vampires and werewolves hated each other for some shitty anonymous reason, and that transferred energy transferred to the entire school, and then everyone just hated each other. It was like watching the movie Mean Girls all over again, but this time, the vampires were all Regina George and the werewolves were also Regina George and they were competing to see which Regina George was better. 

 

Everyone would come to him and say, _you’re an incubus right? please tell me if -insert girlfriend name here- is actually cheating on me with -some dumb jock name here- please! i’ll do anything!_ Which, mind you, is a horrible stereotype, okay? He’s very offended.

 

(But boy, if they aren’t wrong tho. lol.) 

 

But then D.O. Kyungsoo came. 

 

It was like the entire school spontaneously died or something, because the entire argument/war/whatever-the-fuck-it-was completely dissipated and mutually decided _hey, lets go bust a nut together about this one person because of his fat ass and fuckable thighs._

 

Who can blame them though? D.O. was _extremely cute_. Like extremely. The slight undercut and little tuft of hair that went to the side, the large circular frames and doe eyes filled with innocence, lips shaped in a perfect heart, and to top it off, the most perfect ass. He was literally any monster’s walking wet dream. 

 

It’s a good thing he was the first friend D.O. made in the academy. He feels like God himself came down from the heavens and said _Baekhyun…you’re finally having the gay best friend you always wanted…_

 

(Other than the fact he can’t talk, Kyungsoo was literally the perfect best friend. Cheers to that, sisters.) 

 

It’s hilarious too, because despite his unnaturally high intelligence, Kyungsoo doesn’t even notice the large harem that’s basically developing around him. So when Park ‘Coven Leader’ Chanyeol and ‘Pack Leader’ Kai start making moves, he just thinks they wants to eat him. 

 

It’s also hilarious that Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Sehun don’t like to share. 

 

-

 

“Kyungsoo.” A voice calls out for him from behind. Jongin, to be exact. 

 

It’s easy to tell his voice, especially when you hang around him enough times. Gravelly and deep, like a low growl that somehow was… calming. 

 

He looks up at the sun-kissed male, watching muscles contract and relax as he ran. The white t-shirt stretches around Jongin’s biceps with ease, Kyungsoo getting momentarily distracted at the thought of sleeping in Jongin’s arms. 

 

He doesn’t see it— how Jongin could possibly be the “Pack Leader” or whatever. He’s just a giant teddy bear with a constant need to cuddle. But perhaps all werewolves were like that; Sehun does the same when he comes over to his and Baekhyun’s dorm, laying across their couch and resting his head on Kyungsoo’s lap, with eyes that say _please pet me or I will spontaneously combust._

 

Kyungsoo raises his hands, an annoyed expression spreading across his face. ‘I hate this. It’s bullshit.’ 

 

Jongin gives a small chuckle, “You should just get better at running.” 

 

‘Denied. That’s too much work.’ Kyungsoo huffs. ‘I can barely go up the stairs without my lungs caving in on itself.’

 

Jongin tosses his head back to laugh, pearly white teeth and sharp canines glistening in the sunlight. Why does he feel nervous all of the sudden? Kyungsoo feels the blood rush up to his ears and cheeks, flushing a bright red. He rushes his KSL, saying, ‘It wasn’t that funny, stop laughing, I’m serious okay—’ which only causes Jongin to laugh harder. 

 

“S-Sorry— Fuck— “Jongin heaves and stops running, laughing in between deep breaths. He brings the collar to his face, wiping the sweat off. “You think— You think gym is hard, but aethereal chemistry is easy?” 

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, stopping in front of Jongin. ‘I just hate sweating.’ 

 

He turns on his heel and pushes forward, leaving Jongin behind. 

 

(Not that Jongin was complaining. He finally got a good look at Kyungsoo’s ass, and boy, is it _round._ )

 

(Really. It shouldn’t be physically fucking possible. It jiggles like a pocket of jello.)

-

“If you think you’re so smart, tutor me.” Jongin appears out no-fucking-where behind him, making Kyungsoo’s jump out of his skin, soul departing from the world and going to heaven. 

They’re still in gym, however Kyungsoo actually gets to sit out this time. The monsters practice self defense. Jongin grabbed a water bottle, tilting his head to drink it. 

Kyungsoo blinks. 

“In calculus.” Jongin says. 

_Seriously?_ Kyungsoo thinks, tilting his head. ‘Aren’t you the pack leader? Shouldn’t you know how to do… math?’ 

“Calculus is not math okay— Kyungsoo, don’t fucking laugh— It’s hard! It’s not one plus one, It’s like, _okay let me take multiplication and put it to shit_.” Jongin huffs, crossing his arms. His bottom lip jutted out, the tiniest bit of a fang poking the outer corners. “It’s just fucking, fucking stupid. I can’t do it right. I need help.” 

Kyungsoo can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

Had his soul actually left earth? Was this entire thing a dream? Because there’s no possible reasoning that Kim Jongin _himself_ would be asking Do Kyungsoo for help? In calculus? 

In fucking _calculus_? 

Kim ‘Kai’ (according to very reliable sources that is definitely _not_ Byun Baekhyun) was a hardass. He never showed emotion. Never. So why did he just jut his lip out like a—

A toddler?

It was so disturbingly cute. It doesn’t help that Jongin’s blushing as well, clearly embarrassed. “You don’t have to. I just thought that, y’know—” 

Kyungsoo recollects himself from nearly heaving himself to death, waving an arm in front of the other. ‘It’s fine, I don’t mind. I’d be glad to tutor you. Is today during lunch okay?’ 

Jongin, relieved, sighs and gives a smile. “Yeah. Thanks, Kyungsoo.” 

Kyungsoo feels a heat rise to his cheeks. 

 

-

His prayer was unfortunately left unanswered. But gym was over in a flash, which means Kyungsoo can finally have the sweet release he deserves. 

Lunch. 

A lovely time dedicated to many different people; those who loved to eat, those who loved to socialize, and those who did neither. Kyungsoo did neither. He wasn’t much of an extrovert to begin with, and his appetite was about the size of a mouse. 

**byun byun**

hey u eating lunch w us kyungie?

kyungsoo

kyung

**do. kyungsoo (you)**

us? 

**byun byun**

sehun and jongdae dummy 

who else

**do kyungsoo (you)**

right 

sorry i’m tutoring today

**byun byun**

k

who? 

**do kyungsoo (you)**

kai

**byun byun**

wait what

wait like the actual kai kai 

like the guy i said would snap you into pieces the minute he finds ur weakness

like the guy i said who has a gang filled with people who assassinate others for fun

like the guy whos bullied me in the third grade just because of my jajangmyeon

kyungsoo he’s going to kill you

kyungsoo should we come 

ok we’re coming right now 

**do kyungsoo (you)**

DONT

do that 

it’s fine i will be fine

stop overthinking things i am a fully functional human 

you’re like my mom

 **byun byun**

thats what i am 

ur biological momma 

came right out of my anus 

my rectal area 

**do kyungsoo (you)**

lovely 

male pregnancy has been an innovative technology these days 

**byun byun**

right 

if he does anything funny jongdae said he’ll lure him into the pool and drown him 

and then bury him underneath the courtyard 

ok have fun tutoring

pls text frequently so i know he hasn’t killed u yet 

kyungsoo

…

kyungsoo its been 18 minutes

…

 

kyungie?

**Author's Note:**

> honestly? i found this in my w.i.p. folder and that it hasn't been touched since late 2016. thought to myself, hey, this sounds like a vampire night story on fucking steroids, i should post it. this is horrible and un-beta'd. please dont shoot me. 
> 
> i used to read these stories on wattpad
> 
> that and girl goes to all boys school wattpad books
> 
> those were the days 
> 
>  
> 
> [ twitter](https://twitter.com/zriqon)  
> [ tumblr](https://terumiishima.tumblr.com)


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